last week, my little sis had surgery (it was brief and she is recovering nicely) and i agreed to meet her at the hospital. running late, i had to call before hand to send her my well-wishes and get directions to the surgery center. as i spoke to my dad, i came to realize that it was just him and my mom there with my sister and, now that my sis was actually back in surgery, my parents were alone together in the waiting room. and it was ok. neither was pressuring me to get there, neither indicated a need for intercession or a buffer. i was told all was well and to be safe getting there.
i cried as the realization of this moment washed over me.
but let me back-track just a minute, to give a greater perspective on the significance of this. my parents separated during my senior year of high school and divorced during the freshman year of college. it was a bitter time, full of anger and anguish and disappointment for all parties. my parents found it hard to be around one another without incident, and we existed that way for years, my sis and i serving as buffers, nervous about moments where the two may have to be in the same space as one another. it was a hard road, full of anxiety and pressure on my sister and i’s part to keep the peace.
but now, (NOW!), they were sitting there, in that waiting room, not best friends but not enemies. gathered for a common purpose and not needing anyone to intercede. they have come a long way in healing, and therefore our family has begun to heal.
a friend once told me she believes we pick the families we come into. that before we’re born, and we’re just little speck babies out there in the universe or heaven or what have you, we pick the life we choose to enter. i don’t know how i feel about that or if i agree with the philosophy, but it is incredibly empowering to think that we’ve chosen this life. then i’m not the victim of the things that happened in my childhood or the events of my family. i chose this life.
i choose this life.
at the start of 2013, i wrote this about the words i wanted my year to focus on, and so many of them have played a vital role in my year. in preparing for 2014, tho, that phrase above–i choose this life–keeps coming to mind.
i choose the changes i’m making, the direction i want to go. i choose my health. i choose to love. i choose to cherish the humans i’ve been entrusted to care for. i choose to go into the kitchen and make a delicious, nourishing meal instead of going out for cheeseburgers (ok, i’ll choose that most of the time).
so, cheers to 2014!
“make good choices!”