actually, it’s quite the opposite here.
the house is quiet, except the low hum of 90’s punk rock coming from B.’s computer as he works an editing project.
the dishes are done except for a couple mugs filled with “sleepybear tea,” as B. calls it.
my feet are tucked up under B. and i am warm and cozy, reading a book.
then a text from a friend, asking randomly, “were you attracted to B. before you started dating him?” the question strikes me as funny, and i want to answer, “yes, and no. and yes. and definitely no.” i look at B., intensely focused on his work, and have to smile at the journey we’ve had so far.
we became friends, or at least met, one day at the coffee shop, shortly after he’d returned from a visit to Spain. he was sharing pictures with my coworker and i casually interjected myself into the conversation. that was the beginning for him, but not for me. for me, it would be still be many moons before i fell for this man.
we continued to meet occasionally here and there, seeing each other at the coffee shop and neighborhood events. occasionally i would invite him to a backyard bonfire, and he would bring me a coffee and pastry to share during late nights at the gallery. he was a good friend.
but that’s all i would let it be. even when my sis insisted i date him (“B.’s a good guy!” she would argue), i shook my head. “no, no, no. he’s just a friend.”
(cue a little Biz Markie…. “so you say he’s just a friend.”)
ok, enough of that….
what happened on that evening in July i can only describe as divine, for it was like a cloud had been lifted. a veil had been pulled back from the windows of my eyes.
B. text to ask if i wanted to play tennis. it was the first night in over a month where the heat subsided a bit, and a light breeze was blowing. he was serving, calling the scores in a British accent as he enjoyed doing, and a thought went through my mind. a quiet, simple thought sailed through like a whisper on the breeze.
“i could do this for the rest of my life.”
that was the beginning of a new and different type of relationship for us, as i quickly realized my feelings ran much deeper than even i could have expected. we began dating and found such happiness in being together. B. used to wonder why things didn’t happen sooner, but i have to say that was divine as well.
i was in a much different place when B. and i met, and even as we continued to be friends. the change didn’t happen, in fact, until i began to love myself.
in the spring, in the midst of a crazy relationship type situation, a friend quietly reminded me, “Christie…you don’t have to do this. if you want to marry someone who can be a rock to you, that’s ok.” that was the catalyst, the place where something changed. i had not, up until that point, given myself permission to have a healthy, loving relationship.
over the following months, i resolved that i had had enough pain in this area. if a relationship could not be loving, supportive, gracious and gentle, i wanted nothing to do with it.
then the lights came on and there was B. this wonderful man who fit all my qualifications (and more!) and had been doing so under my nose for nearly a year.
was i attracted? yes, i must have been, though i never knew it or understood why. regardless, things worked out in the time they should have. and not a minute sooner (or later).
so, on this quiet Monday evening, i find myself thankful for so many things, for sharing tea and stories about the weather. for little kisses here and there. for playing fetch with the cat. for love and this special place in the journey we find ourselves, as our story continues to evolve.