good-bye too soon.

i remember that day.  my first “real” job in awhile.  i walked into the training room and a sea of new faces, smiling nervously as i sat down.  we played a “get-t0-know-ya” game, where we shared a few facts about ourselves, and i shared some easy to digest vittles, such as “i started an art gallery” and “i live downtown.”

but she, well, i’ll never forget what Tiffany shared.  she was the number 3 dart-thrower in the state and had “cadaver dogs,” dogs that were used by the police to find dead bodies.  in a room full of typical answers–i just graduated college and i’ve worked at this call-center or that customer-service job, Tiffany immediately stood out to me.

for 4 1/2 long weeks, we reported back to that training room each day, learning the ins and outs of timeshare ownership and vacation-booking.  Tiffany was a natural, and i envied her ability to pick things up so quickly.  but her personality was never one that fostered envy.  in fact, she was always ready with a smile, and a “hello,” and a “how are you?”

how ironic that just 6 mos later, the handful of us still left with the company would return to that training room to process the loss of one of our own.  earlier in the morning, work had come to a grinding halt as our management stood in the midst of us to deliver the horrible news: Tiffany had been killed in a car accident.

i felt like a board had hit me across the face, and i felt tears come to my eyes involuntarily.  i have to get out of here, i thought, and made my way to the door.  i bummed a smoke from a friend, and sat in the chilly sunshine of the morning, trying to wrap my mind around what i’d just heard.  our trainer made contact with me later, and asked if i would be interested in visiting with the grief counselor with the rest of my class.  i said yeah, if other people wanted to, i would join.

we walked into the training room, a strange feeling of formality choking out the desire i felt to let my grief hang out.  in the corner, near the front, sat a lady surrounded a haphazard group of chairs.  we took our seats, just as silent as that first day.  just as awkward in how to proceed.

but proceed we finally did.  we spent nearly an hour processing our responses, wondering how a person could go so quickly from existing to not existing, realizing how destroyed we would be if our sister/mother/father/boyfriend were the one who had died, talking about Tiffany and the kind of person she was.  we shared stories about conversations we’d just had with her, about how she was looking forward to the holidays and vacation with family, how she had recently just assumed guardianship of her niece.  we even talked through what little we knew about the accident, all of us hungry to know the details, hoping, i think, to figure out just what went wrong.  we lamented that we, and all those that knew and loved her, were having to say good-bye too soon.

most importantly, we agreed that Tiffany was a beautiful soul, who brought so much to those around her.  so here’s to you, Tiffany Carol Shull; this world is certainly a better place because you were in it; and a lonelier place because you’re gone.  may you rest in peace.

Athena & me: a love story

after 7 and 1/2 years of payments, $2,000 in engine repairs and nearly 1 1/2 months apart, that little black Saturn Ion is mine at last.

i met her in June of 2005, just after graduation, and quickly named her Athena, after the Greek goddess of war and the arts.  we struck a leasing deal (which eventually proved to be a disastrous decision) and i drove her off the lot.  since then, we’ve had many, many adventures together–road trips to South Dakota, Tennessee, Chicago.  she’s absorbed speeding tickets, and fender benders, and sliding across three lanes of icy interstate, and tea spills.  she’s been the only constant in my 20’s.

at the beginning of Oct. she fell ill with engine problems.  about the same time, i got a call from my attorney.  the insurance company representing the lady responsible for hitting me in March had decided on an offer: $20,000.  after divying up that amount between medical bills and insurance fees, i was left with just enough to (FINALLY) pay off Athena and send her to the hospital (mechanic).  as i would joke with a friend, i got hit by a car but got to pay off my car.

little did I know, her engine problems would keep her on leave for a month and a half; this morning was our first ride to work together in nearly 6 weeks.  we celebrated by listening to the Lumineers, and as the sun rose over frost-laden houses along our route, i felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

street level view

this weekend has been my crash-course in riding a bike for transportation (literally, took a nice spill yesterday).

this has been an evolving process.  when Kelley moved here from Grand Rapids last fall, i promised her she need not buy a car, that we could share one.  unfortunately, having a job nearly 30 miles away did make this a workable plan.  until Training School, when i would have 1-2 days during the week that i didn’t need the car and she could take it for the day.  still, on those days, i had only to go to class (catch a ride with friends) and work at the local coffee shop (walk). 

about a month ago, we sat down and really began to think/talk through what it would look like to share a car.  as a professional photographer with summer weddings booked all over the midwest, she was really beginning to need something more consistent.  our reasons for sharing have been many and continue to take shape.  for her, she is adamentally against the American notion that everyone must own their own car; as a GR resident, she gladly rode her bike wherever needed, and on the very rare occasion she needed to drive, she found a willingly volunteer (seriously, though, it was maybe every other month).

for me, the reasons are more financial than ideaological: if i am to work less hours at my higher-paying job to better follow some of the options God has put before me, i need to lessen my expenses.  Kel and i struck a sweet deal where she will help with the expense of owning the vehicle in exchange for having it when she needs it.  it’s a novel concept…instead of increasing my hours to afford my things, i share my things so i don’t have to work as much. 

while she’s used my car many times in the past, this is really the first that i’ve had to consider how i might get somewhere.  i’ve owned my own car since i was 16 and, apart from a brief period in college, have never wanted for a ride. 

having to bike to your destination changes your perspective entirely.

first, there’s the time issue.  if i’m late but i’m driving a car, i have an accelerator that moves me faster.  on a bike, not so much.  it’s just my legs.  then there’s the exhaustion thing…going too many miles over a period of time wears out the body, which severely limits where i can and can’t go.  third, there’s the safety thing.  bikers are way more susceptible to (REALLY) bad accidents.  i wore my helmet, yes, but that didn’t stop my tire from curbing the lip of a driveway, sending me flying onto the sidewalk.  i have a nice little (ok, big) bruise on my shin and some skin missing from my hands.

but then there’s the street level view of the city.  a chance to see the architecture of buildings, to know the streets more intimately, see people’s faces and say hello as you pass.  to talk to your fellow travel companions and see the amazing wildlife and nature right in the heart of the city.  travel suddenly becomes an adventure, a part of the journey, not just a necessary evil that gets you from one place to the next.  it’s exhilirating. 

i wouldn’t trade this view for anything. 

ok, that’s not completely true…after biking nearly 30 miles this weekend, i asked if i could borrow a housemate’s car to take to my babysitting gig.  still, i’m on my way.  baby steps, right?

provision

this story starts with a call from my roommate, Kelley, about 11:30 this morning.  she had taken the car to run errands.

“christie?”

“yes dear.”

“i just came out of the Keystone mall and your car has a flat tire.”  ironically, i’ve never had this happen as long as i’ve owned the car.  i wish her luck in finding someone to help change the tire, welcome her to the land of car ownership and tell her to keep me updated.  she calls back shortly to let me know a security guard called someone, and that someone changed the tire, and that she was at last on her way.

i was supposed to leave for work about noon, but she wasn’t home yet and since the tire would need at least a good patching, i called to let them know i wouldn’t be in today.  instead, i took the car to the tire place in Castleton.  the sales guy informed me that the tire was irreparable, but was under warranty so he would gladly replace it for free.  i need only pay for the warranty on the new tire ($9.34, thank you very much) and i could be on my way.

i left with a great sense of blessing.  i got on the interstate, and noticed almost immediately that something was wrong.  i assumed it was the wheel bearing that needs replaced, but it got increasingly worse until i had no other choice but to put on the flashers and pull over on the side of the interstate.  i know better than this, i kept thinking.  this is how people die.  but it didn’t matter; the car would not budge another inch.  i got out quickly and raced to the other side of the car.  there, the shining new (FREE!) tire was completely flat, smoking a bit from being run, quite literally, to the ground.

i couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation as i called the tire place.  the guy on the phone sounded horrified and put me on hold.  meanwhile, Hoosier Helper pulled up and the nice gentleman, Roy, offered to change it for me.  then he gave me their number should i need help in the future.

i headed back to the tire place where they were more than apologetic and offered to replace the wheel, which had been bent somewhere along the lines, for free.  i left, after nearly 2 1/2 hours of dealing with, what was originally, a tire with a simple nail stuck in it.  but all throughout, i was continually reminded of God’s provision: i got a new tire for free when i was in need of one, i didn’t get hurt on the interstate and Roy was there within minutes to help, i had the afternoon free to deal with the unexpected issues so i wasn’t frustrated or pissed at these people.  i was able to smile and treat them with respect.

let me just say, if you have a daughter, you can only hope that such men will be around in your absence to help her out.  generally, i am intimidated by car situations (ok, i’ve been known to freak out occasionally), but this time around, i was not wanting for a good man to help me out.  so thank you to God for the provision, as well as to the random security guard, Roy the Hoosier Helper, and all the good guys at Discount tire.  you have helped make this a funny story, as opposed to another situation where i feel helpless and alone.