something’s changed.

this time last year, i was co-hosting one of the hottest parties of the year.  at least, in my little neck of the woods.  it wasn’t our first.  in fact, last year was full of parties like this.  i loved every minute.  the music, the chatter, the people floating in and out.  the drinks.  the laughs.  and deeper down than that, the endless attention  i got.  i ate it up, absolutely loving being the belle of the ball.

tonight, i worked a yelp event, a huge party with hundreds of guests.  guests from all over and every area of  the city.  guests i’d easily have found myself networking with in years past.

“how was your evening,” B. asked when he picked me up.

“ehh..” i said, shrugging my shoulders.  

somethings’ changed.

of course, a ton of things have changed.  i’ve moved out of Fountain Square and (almost) back.  i’ve changed jobs, i’ve paid off my car.  i had a major falling out with a friend and had others move.  i’ve retreated to lick my wounds, and reemerged a more cautious, careful person.

but deeper than that, my motivations have changed.  i no longer feel a need to be that person in the room that everyone knows, to be the one that gets everyone to the party.  i feel content in who i am, happy to take time to care for myself and my love.  i am motivated now by a strong desire to take care of my debt and prepare a better space for my future family.  i worked this party tonight, not to work the crowd, but to put extra toward my student loans.

this is definitely a different me.  and i’m really ok with that. 

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