i am currently on hospital duty, until my relief comes in the early afternoon. i spent the night with pops last night, sleeping on a cot in the corner of the room, which was surprisingly comfortable. although, our standards aren’t high these days…basically as long as it’s horizontal, it’s golden. this was the first time we’d slept in the same room together in years, probably since family vacation in high school when we had to share a hotel room.
he did well overnight and we (the nurse, my stepmom and i) are devising a strategy for today to get him moving and our of this hospital. good-bye and good riddance. not that the hospital, itself, has been bad. in fact, they’ve been very good to us…but this is no place for a human to stay who wants to live any semblance of a healthy life. the air is sterile, stale. no sunshine is able to permeate the brick facade. no greenery or trees or life can be seen from the windows. it’s the opposite of life-giving.
one thing i’ve learned in my foray into nurse-care over these last 24 hours: i’m not really a nurturing person (my sis just rolled her eyes, “ya think?” she asked sarcastically). but it’s true. i always thought i was, always wanted to be, maybe b/c i desperately needed it myself, but i’m more the “tough love” kind of person. i see the benefit in struggle (not suffering, necessarily, don’t misread me), in fighting through pain or discomfort. i see how fever, no matter how miserable, is the body’s way of fighting off enemies. i’m not masochistic, i don’t applaud pain or suffering for the sake of misery, but do see the necessity of it for the sake of growth and healing.
i rather like my approach. it makes me much more aware, however, of how much i need a partner who is the more nurturing type. it may seem silly, but sometimes i’m just really thankful that i’m still single and have the time/space to figure out what/who i really need in my life….