quarter-life crisis.

it might be a quarter life crisis
or just the stirring in my soul

either way, i wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life.

am i living it right?
-john mayer 

have you ever felt like you were out-growing your life?

like a shirt that just doesn’t fit like it used to, snuggly pulling on my shoulders.  a pair of pants that crops up the leg.  it’s not enough of an issue that the clothes have to be changed immediately, but it’s uncomfortable.

i look around me, at all the pieces so familiar.  the pictures, the habits, the traditions.  i want so badly to find my place in them still, but i can’t.  i want to feel at home in them, but find my definition of “home” ever-evolving.  my priorities are going through great upheaval.  so much so that these clothes of my life don’t fit.  what’s most frustrating is that i don’t know quite yet what to trade them out for.  it is an interesting tension.

my quarter-life crisis.

several months ago i confessed the hopelessness of my financial situation to my house community, and they graciously received me.  one chick offered to give financial advice, another offered a part-time job, and still another caught my student loans up for me. i knew i was in trouble then, but was convinced this was the path for me.

then i filed my taxes for last year.  and i nearly fell below the poverty line.  it was like a cold splash of water in my face.  i sobered up.

i started to reevaluate where my life is, where it’s going, what i want to be a part of it, what i don’t want.  since then, i’ve been seeing my life through this perspective and much of it isn’t fitting.

i need to make more money.  and i need to not feel guilty about that.  i need to pay my debt, and i need to not think twice about using my money for that purpose.  i want the opportunity to plan and afford to travel.  and the truth is, i’m no good to others if i can’t take care of myself.  i can’t keep expecting others to shoulder my burden.

it’s time to take responsibility.
i am on a mission.

and this bohemian/hippie/care-free-it-doesn’t-matter-how-much-i-make life just isn’t cutting it.

the wind is blowing in another direction and i’ve adjusted my sails.  time to move.


2 thoughts on “quarter-life crisis.

  1. I understand, my dear, I truly do. I often think of that song (and that album!) and wonder what the hell is going on with me! Now that we have a baby and hope, someday, to have more, it seems all I want is to get out of the bohemian lifestyle and be able to grasp onto some semblance of financial security. So far, it’s not happening. I guess in a way it’s teaching me to be thankful for each day and what we have. I think God laughs whenever I try to make my own plans. 🙂 Take care, and keep being yourself, no matter what changes come. Hugs!

  2. Pingback: transition. | living is a process

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