well, here i sit on day 9, just now having a break of time to call my own, finally able to write (without falling asleep on my keyboard) of the days events.
i spent nearly all of day 7 on a Celebration Site Shuttle that toured that cultural districts of the city, including my ‘hood–Fountain Square. as a tour guide extraordinaire, i got to meet tons of new people, locals and tourists alike, tell them cool things about my favorite places, give them ideas on what to check out during their visits, etc.
but probably the most beautiful part of this process was getting to talk with my driver. we had about 45 minutes of sitting in traffic with no riders that allowed us to chat. the longer we talked, the more of a perspective on his story i got. on his second marriage, navigating stepchildren, foster children, adopted children. finally, he got to part where in the story where his adopted children got taken away for various reasons, and he got real quiet.
“how are you guys taking that?” i asked, trying to approach the question gently.
he just nodded.
“not good.” i didn’t prod any further. he was no small man, tall and closer to my dad’s age, but the question had reduced him to tears.
another sweet spot in day 7 was a lunch meeting with a friend, playing frisbee with his dog, and chatting about life.
another morning on the shuttles, only to realize they have all new drivers who don’t know the route (or Indy for that matter–they were all from Lafayette). so i spent most of my shift giving instruction as my exhaustion and frustration mounted.
i had only a small window of lunch break before i had to shower and ready myself/the gallery for First Friday, which went all evening. by the time all was said and done, i was exhausted. i headed to a friend’s to have a drink and hang out.
crashed at my friend’s and woke to the sound of children’s voices. his 9-yr-old twin niece and nephew were staying the weekend and up early. still, as i lay on the couch in the freshness of the day, i couldn’t help but note how sweet little voices are to wake up to. they bring a different kind of life to the day, a playfulness.
my friend made us all scrambled eggs and bacon, and then the kids set up a comedy show in the living room; he grabbed the microphone and she the keyboard to man all the buh-dum-ching sounds. we laughed through bad joke after bad joke, our bellies feeling to the brim. family makes a house feel full.
life feels very full today.
a big part of the reason behind that is that i am simply allowing myself to take my life as it comes. for once, i am not grabbing for definitive answers or security in a relationship or even the “answer.” i just want to be present in my own life, which means opening the door to allow for it to look differently than i anticipated, or than others might expect of/for me.
for so long, i have kept myself within this strict framework where every situation must begin in a certain place, move along a certain well-defined path, end in a predictable destination. but perhaps my life is not meant to follow that. perhaps i have much more of a capacity for love and grace than i realized. perhaps life will be much richer because of the choices i make, instead of the time i “wait” for things to happen.
yes, life is full. i am contentedly settling into a state of gratefulness.