losing the edge.

(please excuse the language; this was the best clip i could find…)

ok, take a deep breath and allow me to extricate a life lesson from a cheesy ’80’s flick.

as i’ve shared on previous blogs, i’ve been struggling with discouragement.  the picture is really so much bigger.  i’ve been confronted with harsh and dark realities of my neighbors/neighborhood as scenes of domestic dysfunction and brokenness play out in front of my face.  people i’ve been in contact with have shared story after story of injustice against minorities in our city.  my friends are wrestling with homelessness, hopelessness, identity issues, imprisonment, loss.

simply put, my heart is broken.

and i just want to respond.  i want to reach out, to take crying children under my wings, to stand up against the politics of this city/state/country that seek to exclude and create division.  i want to do all this, but i can’t.  i’m just me, and that is so small.

the powerlessness of this realization has left me feeling hopeless, asking questions of “why?” and “what does it matter?”  i’ve been angry and frustrated with God, unsure of how divinity plays into all this “free will” i see happening around me…

then someone said something at church on Sunday, something so simple that i’ve said it hundreds of times myself… “you have to let go, and let God work.”

like Cougar, in the scene above, i’ve been gripping too hard.  i’ve been holding onto all these things so tightly, the sadness, the broken-heartedness, the loneliness, even the good things in my life–my roommate, our sweet house, other relationships–fearing their loss.  i’m losing the edge.

and just as Cougar letting go precipitated a refocusing of his priorities, and the opportunity for others to have a shot at doing what they love, so my letting go comes with great fruit.  the first being that God can move.  not necessarily just externally, but also in me. the second being that my priorities can be put into better focus.

today i had an image of a rushing, wild current, and myself standing on the edge.  “how can we make a difference?” i asked, as i was seeing this, and a still, small voice replied, “by joining me in my work.”  so often we want to be the rushing water, the force that creates great change; but we are called only to join in his current, be swept away by his magnificent work.

i’ve lost the edge, and i’m diving in.


One thought on “losing the edge.

  1. I loved the line, “we want to be the rushing water, the force that creates great change; but we are called only to join in his current…” and it’s so true. I thought back on this, almost daily, since you wrote it. I love control. I get overwhelmed when I’m not the one at the helm, but that’s not really where I’m meant to be. I need to let Him be at the helm while I row the oars along with the rest of my life’s teammates.

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