there are a lot of things going through my mind, a lot of options that, as my dear friend JR puts it, i’ve been “noodling.” (translation = “thinking about a lot).
do i stay or leave my job? if i stay, how many hours should i work? but i really hate the drive and Fishers and don’t feel challenged. but then again, it’s steady money. but if i sold my car, i would eliminate the majority of the money not being covered by my hours at the coffee shop. still, i would need to make about $200 a month; can i do that by finding something where i can ride my bike? what if i need to get to my mom’s or my dad’s (both 10+ miles from me)? still…it seems silly to drive 60 minutes round-trip in this gas economy, just to own a car.
it’s crazy, at least in my paradigm, to consider not owning a car. especially in a city with poor public transportation. still, not spending my money in that way would free me up so much to do the work i am increasingly clear God is calling me to (but that is not able to pay me).
like meeting with beautiful women considering the training school, or who just need some lovin’. or creating newsletter for this little coffee shop trying to add a bright spot in the world. or trying to create my own business (McNabb Says–a marketing and communications business that helps start-up businesses get off the ground).
all of these things make me feel so alive…so much more myself. i don’t know that i can sacrifice them any longer to the gods of convenience and money.
i was sharing with some friends this morning stories from a book i recently read by Richard Foster (Streams of Living Water). in it, he explains the 6 different traditions of the church (charismatic, evangelical, holiness, social justice, contemplative, incarnational) and then gives brief biographies of people in church history who’ve been instrumental within each movement (MLK, Suzanne Wesley, Augustine of Hippo, St. Francis of Assisi, Dietrich Boenhoeffer, etc).
i almost cried reading them, seeing how daring and brave each of these people have been in the face of adversity, boldly living life on the edge. i want to be like that. in the end, i wanted to be counted with them. in order to do that, i think it’s time to make some (seemingly) radical changes so that new life can begin to grow and bloom.