i have to apologize for not writing for some time. a good friend follows my blog and can always tell that something is going on when i don’t post for a period of time. i tend to get bogged down by things and writing, although one of the most life-giving practices i have, tends to get put on the backburner.
i am definitely in a time of transition…class has ended officially, i am taking on new responsibilities and really digging into a coffee shop i’ve been developing a relationship with, looking forward to developing an art gallery with them that will open in the fall, and navigating some pretty serious health issues with my mom.
transitions are always challenging in their very nature…it is so much more than simply moving from one thing to the next. it is risky, usually, as you learn to let go of something you’ve outgrown; scary as you learn to embrace something a bit bigger, a bit more challenging, and crazy unknown; slightly melancholy as you reflect on what’s being left behind; challenging as you work to stay in the moment whilst all this is swirling around.
this is where i find myself.
we talked at church a couple weeks ago about our training school experience. it was nearly impossible to sum up 9 months of journeying together, the relational challenges and the subtle but powerful movements of God. but still, as we sat together and laughed about our stories and lamented on the end, i felt such a swell of pride and love and joy in my heart. these nine people had become my family, had been gentle but firm mirrors for things both good and bad that they saw in my life.
it’s time for change, for something fresh and new, i can fully acknowledge that. but man, will i miss walking so closely with these beautiful people.
the next steps are unknown to me, tho i know they are ordered by the Lord. in the fall, i partnered with the local coffee shop, Calvin Fletcher’s, to do their marketing and communications. they are a non-profit, dedicated to supporting other fledgling non-profits by donating all their tips.
i quickly fell in love.
so i volunteered my services and began to pray that maybe this could be a place that i would invest more of my time and energies. just about a month ago, the owner asked if i would be interested in helping to organize and manage the gallery he plans to open in the fall.
it has been incredibly risky to let go of the security of my current job, but i feel God is calling me to a place where i can be more fully alive and present.
in the midst of all this drops some pretty serious health issues that my mom is experiencing. they did a biopsy on a mass a couple months ago in a very sensitive, very private female place that had cancerous cells. yesterday, she had surgery to remove the area and send the tissues off to be tested by a pathology lab.
as the oldest sibling, i have been having trouble knowing just how to support my mom in this time. there is no real family to speak of, and a small support group of friends, but for the most part and the majority of the time, it will be just me and my sister.
but God was so good to us yesterday. she went back nearly an hour ahead of schedule and within about 2 hours, was coming out of the anaesthesia and we were all with her, laughing and joking about the silly nonsense we McNabb women think is funny.
we just went for a drive to get her out of the house and into fresh air. we cruised the wooded roads of the Fishers/Geist area, Starbucks in hand, listening/singing to America’s greatest hits. it was a sweet moment, and considering the circumstances, one i am even more grateful for.
with all this going on, i am so thankful for a God who is becoming my strength. i have wonderful people checking up on and praying for me and my family. i feel supported and loved in such deep ways that i am occasionally moved to tears.
as i was leaving the track during the Mini Marathon a couple weeks ago, the song “Good Life” by OneRepublic came on my iPod. some of the lyrics: this has gotta be the good life…tell me, what is there to complain about? it defined that race to me, and is defining life for me now. even with everything: the fear, the worry, the feelings of utter helplessness and potential for great loss…still, this has gotta be the good life.
as a friend recently reminded me, “God is right on time. God is so good.”
(so there you go, A. there’s your update. love you, and thank you for all calls to check in on me, and for your friendship these 20 or so years.)