more and more, this is the word that defines my journey.

i live in a house with 5 other people.  6 different personalities and agendas and desires all trying to live in unity.   at the current moment, we are wrestling with letting one of our numbers go and pursue a unique and amazing opportunity.  we deeply love her and will miss the friendship and beauty she contributes to the house.  we are hurting, but we also want her to do what she’s been called to.  we are upset, but excited.  tension.

in class, we’ve been exploring the balance of truth and grace, knowing that one extreme or the other can be very detrimental.  with only grace, you have a people who wander aimlessly.  with only truth, people get swept away with the trash.  both must be equal, though they seem to be extremely different.  tension.

i’ve recently been cut off from a friendship because he happens to be in a new relationship.  now, to be fair, this is an ex-boyfriend, so i understand how intimidating it can be for the “new woman.”  but still, it could be really beautiful as well.  i have no desire to be with this person, but he and i had a very good friendship.  i acknowledge that it would be hard and ackward…but why are we so afraid to live in that tension?  why do we safeguard our lives against tension?

even now, as i explore this calling that God has given me, to pastor in some way, i have to live in the tension of embracing the unknown.  i know i am wired for pastoring, but i am not necessarily going to start a church.  so i stand at this door, this door opportunity that doesn’t look that different from all the rest, poised to knock.  standing in the tension of what may (or may not) happen if i do so…do i dare hope for this thing that seems to make the most sense but will demand an incredible amount from me?  or do i just wait, cautious not to hope too much for something that may not materialize?

tension…i just can’t escape.  then i look at the life of Christ, what it looks like to follow Him, to live in this world but not be of it, and i can’t help but think that maybe i’m not supposed to…perhaps, just perhaps, life is more about the tension than not.  perhaps, if there isn’t tension, i’m not walking the right direction….


2 thoughts on “tension.

  1. Tension is something we create for ourselves by your perceptions of our life’s surroundings. There is physical tension and their is mental tension. It seems as though your tension is mental, and just as all other tension – self initiated. We relieve that type of tension by identifying factors that cause it and either neutralize and dismiss those factors or confirm them and learn to deal with them, or not. Maybe its not the “unknown” that is creating that tension for you , but the “known”. Think about it.

    • i can appreciate your thoughts in this area, knowing we all come to the table from different perspectives…i’m not convinced, though, that life should ever be without tension. even to create balance is to create tension…the teeter-totter rests easily with one side up and the other down. but is harder to maintain on an equal plane. just thoughts from my experience…thanks for reading and sharing!!

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