it’s December 1. snow is falling. i had a good night of rest. and i’ve completed my third novel-in-a-month challenge.
today is a good day.
there is something about the morning after finishing something big like that. something very…alive. i remember this feeling from the mornings after my 1/2 marathons. i think it has something to do with pushing through the hard, sticking with something even though it demands sacrifice to the nth degree. it is rewarding.
but even deeper than that, i feel healthy for the first time in months. i’m a stress eater/smoker, both of which i’ve been doing without much reserve since September. at this moment, i haven’t smoked in over a week and i actually woke up considering what would be best, food wise, to put in my body today.
this is encouraging to me because it reveals healing in my heart. i’ve been walking through such a desert these last months, as habits and patterns and family issues get unearthed. i had a conversation a couple months back with a good friend, and she articulated what i was feeling: i’m just having a hard time understanding why i need to be healthy. of course, in our heads, we had all the answers. but deep down, our hearts were hurting in such a way that we did not care much for the rest of ourselves.
that is not the case this morning. if only for a brief moment, i’ve stepped out of the valley. it is snowing here, and beautiful. the healing, at least from this vantage point, was worth the pain.