several years ago, i was able to go on a spiritual retreat with members from my church community. on the second day, two of my favorite people–Todd and Erin Davis–led us in some prayer exercises. during the first, they told us to grab a pen and paper and find a quiet place. once there, we would write a letter to ourselves from God, asking the Holy Spirit to form the words for us.
we’ve talked about this briefly in the Training School, why it’s hard for us to let God love us. to let Him tell us the good things He thinks about us. we often approach God with such a sense of “there’s nothing good in me” that we forget we were created in His image. and while we may be “fallen” and broken, He is still so crazy in love with us that He reached across the divide to bring us back to Him.
i was thumbing through some journals the other night, and found the letter i/God wrote those years ago. it was as profound for me then as it is now, so i thought i would share:
march 1, 2008
i love you more than human words can express. you are my valued creation, my beloved child. no one can replace you in my heart.
you must know i have made you perfect, just as you are. you are not deformed or dysfunctional. you need not apologize or explain to others. you are not condemned or doomed to a life of loneliness.
i know vulnerability is hard for you, that those who were meant to love and protect you took advantage of you. but the layers are peeling away, even if you don’t yet recognize it. your beauty is shining through.
i have created someone special for you, to be your companion and lover and friend. but the situation is delicate and demands my perfect timing. be patient still, as you have been. remember that respect equals love. come to me and p0ur out your heart and tears and anger. i can handle them and will be with you.
last of all, continue to love your body. learn about it and cherish it for the complex being i have made. it is beautiful as you are beautiful.
i love you, dear daughter, and though you hate this time of utter loneliness, i cherish the heart you let me see. i see you, and long to hold you too. you are not alone in the dark. i am with you, and will help you see.
-your forever Father