life is hard right now.
perhaps you’re not so supposed to write this in a blog, where everything is meant to be carefully written, edited and put out there on this pristine canvas. but it is. and it’s not the monumental mountain kind of hard. the identifiable, this is definitely a rough patch hard.
by most standards, my life looks lovely. great housemates. flexible job that’s currently working around my wierd class and emotional schedule. friends. training school. God. but that only adds to what makes it hard, because it’s not supposed to be hard.
it’s in the daily living that life gets really hard, becomes too much. the isolation of being in a room full of people and feeling completely unknown. of then going home and feeling the same thing. the anxiety of never finding a true place to rest, not even in one’s own bed.
i feel manic, most of the time, ready at the drop of a hat to jump out of the boat, even though that means hitting the frigid waters below. but still i stay, hoping to be delivered from this place.