i felt happier tonight than i’ve felt in a very long time. whole. healed. a deep, deep sense of coming to appreciate myself, just as i am. an indescribable something i could only call joy. in the midst of this discovery, i recalled a conversation just a short couple months ago with a dear friend. the power had gone out and we sat in his kitchen in candlelight. he asked if i thought i would always consider myself broken. i said yes, to some degree. he then shared that his hope would be that i would realize that i was called to live out of a place of wholeness.
this most recent stretch of this journey i call my life has been a wierd one. even as i walked through the hurt and confusion of a break-up, God spoke to me. softly, tenderly, gently. sweet words like soothing balm:
i am healing you, daughter.
tonight, i fully began to realize just how deeply. it is as if, a long time ago, a little plant began to emerge through a crack in the sidewalk. it’s roots spread deep and wide, cracking the concrete. the stem grew taller and taller, stronger bit by bit. when i finally had the courage to look again, it was a great tree, with branches spreading across the sky, both stretching toward the heavens and giving shelter to those below. the concrete was no more as the pieces were crumbled into smaller and smaller bits, and were then absorbed into the soil. the tightly wound buds on the ends of the branches had burst into bloom, just like that, revealing an incredible flower. bold. vibrant. so fully alive that it took my breath away.
the night is hot and heavy tonight as i sit on my porch. it is no longer thick with sadness, however, but with something else…
hope. possibility. life.